


so many stars in the universe

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars- All media types, The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Star Wars AU, except I know jack shit about star wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24779914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Rita! Rita! Put the goddamn lightsaber down before you hurt yourself.” Juno yells. His assistant is twirling his purple lightsaber around herself clumsily, paying no mind to his concerns. “Rita!”
Relationships: (background), Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Kudos: 14





	so many stars in the universe

**Author's Note:**

> this is incredibly short but I was inspired by my lord and savior Sophie Takagi Kaner’s tweets
> 
> this is also my first penumbra fic! wow all sorts of milestones are being met
> 
> title from Be My Leia by The Dollyrots, a song that SLAPS

Juno Steel is one of Mars’s top PIs. He’s also a master of the Force, and a hell of a fighter if you put a blaster in his hands. His lightsaber is a bit of a touchy subject. He’s not a fan of using it. Childhood trauma and all that bullshit that is stored deep down inside him in droves. So in general, he keeps that part of himself hidden away. 

Rita knows, of course. She bugs him about it constantly. She thinks that anything he does is neat, especially Force stuff, since it reminds her of the suave stream stars she loves so dearly. But at least she doesn’t ask for him to do ‘cool lightsaber tricks’ every five minutes anymore.

Still, it’d be a lie to say that she leaves the lightsabers alone.

“Rita! Rita! Put the goddamn lightsaber down before you hurt yourself.” Juno yells. His assistant is twirling his purple lightsaber around herself clumsily, paying no mind to his concerns. “Rita!”

“Sorry boss! I was just thinking about how cool it is that you’re a Jedi, and how much I wanna be a Jedi, and how all the best stream stars are Jedis- wait, that didn’t sound right. Is that how you’d say that? Jedis? That’s real weird, isn’t it?”

“And your point is?” 

“Well Mistah Steel, I think that I’m gonna be the next jedi! Like that stream, Mars’s Next Top Jedi! So I’m gonna need you to train me in your ways.” Rita finishes, punctuating her speech with an energetic and horribly executed spin. Juno has to stumble backwards to leave its radius and prevent himself from losing another eye. 

“What makes you think that I’m going to teach you anything? I can barely function on my own, Rita, I doubt anyone wants me to try and pass on my knowledge to another generation.”

“But… I’m older than you.”

Juno stutters. “Well, whatever. Point still stands! I’m not going to ignore my casework to teach you another way to hurt yourself.”

With that, he begins walking back to his office, ignoring Rita’s protests. She huffs, crossing her arms across her chest. If Mister Steel is refusing to teach her, how’s she going to become a master jedi? She doesn’t exactly know a ton of people who are as skilled with a lightsaber as he is. Hacking into Dark Matters to watch their training videos was an option, but the last time she’d done that Juno was pretty upset. The only Jedi’s she’d met in real life were Alessandra Strong and Mister Ransom-

Mister Ransom! That’s who she could call. Surely Juno wouldn’t be upset at her if she did that. It’ll be like a reunion and a lesson all wrapped up in one! Rita hurries off in the direction of her desk, squealing as she thinks of how happy this’ll make Mistah Steel. 

•••

Peter Nureyev enters the office in quite a rush. Rita had called him over comms and said they were having an emergency. For all he knew, Juno was on the brink of death!

“Mister Ransom! I’m really glad you showed up so quick! Listen, I need someone to teach me how to use a lightsaber, stat, or else I’ll never reach my true potential.” Peter stops in his tracks. Was this really what he was called here for?

“Juno?” He asks. The detective hears him and runs out of his office, banging his head against the doorway in the process. Juno tries to save himself and attempt a casual lean against the frame, which fails.

“Nu- Ransom? What are you doing here?”

“Apparently your lovely assistant is in need of some lightsaber lessons, and led me to believe that there was an urgent matter to attend here instead of telling me the truth.”

“C’mon Rita.” Juno groans. “I thought that after the last time we’d decided against you declaring anything an emergency.” 

“I know Mistah Steel, but I just wanted to learn how to do some cool lightsaber tricks! And ain’t that an emergency, me not knowing how to do cool lightsaber tricks?” 

Juno opens his mouth, but Peter interrupts him.

“It’s alright Rita. I’m already here now, may as well give you the instruction that you’re so desperate for.”

Rita looks about ready to burst from excitement. She manages some restraint, only jumping up and down for a few moments before scurrying of in search of Juno’s lightsaber.

“Peter, why are you letting her get away with this? Honestly, you don’t need to feel bad about leaving-”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that. I can’t think of a better way to spend my afternoon, detective. And I have a suspicion that you feel the same.”

He rolls his eyes, but secretly he knows that Peter’s right. Rita returns, waving the glowing weapon willfully above her head. She nearly slices the ceiling fan clean off. 

“Well then. Juno, darling, it appears we have our work cut out for us.”


End file.
